Today I’m going to tell you a scary story. Be warned!!

Last night I got stuck BETWEEN A ROCK AND A HARD PLACE. And I mean that completely literally, dear human friends.
Let me explain…

GG had already turned out the lights and was on her way to bed when she decided to check if the front door was locked. Yeah, she’s a bit paranoid after having left the back door unlocked that infamous party night when she threw the mouse I’d caught outside, and I almost retrieved it.
Thinking she might let me out into the exciting glory of the full-moon, snow-lit streets and garden, I dashed to the front hall, and crouched, poised and ready for the opportune moment. Hope springs eternal, if I’m permitted to use a cliché. At night, she wants me in. I wants me out. 

Instead of opening up ( truth is, humans also like to paws on the threshold and sniff the air sometimes) all she did was lock the outside glass door (i.e. the rock) and then shut and lock the main, wooden door (i.e the hard place). Shock! Horror!! I was trapped between the two. And paralysed, for the time being. That time being could well have been all night. I might have perished, stuck as I was. (Don’t faint in fear and trepidation. Rather, keep reading)
What a dilemma. See, I could hardly move. Confession time: it’s true, I have put on a litle winter weight, although if you happened to be so rude as to comment, I’d swear it was all my furry, Christmas jumper, making me look wider.
After a while, in desperation, I managed to make some bangs. Don’t ask me how. Kind of vertical I think.
Unfortunately, the dishwasher was running. For some moments I thought GG would think my super-cat effort was simply that machine doing its normal dishwashing thing. You know what I mean? A bit of ticking and swishing, the soap-dispenser clicking open.
Her footsteps came down the passage. Yay! She’d climbed out of bed! I held my breath. No lights came on… not a good sign, dearies. Footfalls stopped, indicating she’d hesitated next to the kitchen, close to the front hall.
NOW Freddie, I miaowed to myself. I let fly with my loudest, attention-getting yowls. THIS WAY, GG!
She flung open the wooden door. “What are you doing there, you silly cat?”
I ignored the totally untrue and unwarranted insult, and stalked into the hallway.
“Are you all right? Did you get squashed?”
She sounded distressed.
Did I get squashed? Well, yeah-es.
She gave me blissful scratchies. We both headed down the hallway. I jumped up on the bed, wrestled with gnomie for a bit (see photo) and settled down for a good snooze. Not a cat nap, no, but an all-nighter.