First piece of miaow mind, otherwise known as Postcards from the Sedge

GG — she certainly doesn’t resemble a horse. I know, because I saw a couple of those during my young days surviving in the wild. Besides, she has feet, not hooves. Hooves would be extremely dangerous — especially in the kitchen — because occasionally she steps on me. 
She claims it happens because I get in her way. ‘Underfoot’ she calls it. (Again, lucky it’s not ‘underhoof’) I call it ‘Reminding you that I’m waiting for fooooood’.
I’ve heard her tell others that, according to Chinese astrology, she’s a snake. Huh?  Why she’s into ancient Chinese wisdom, not even Confucius can say. All I can say is that I’ve never seen her squirm around on her belly. Well, not much. She does make a wiggly movement or two when she reaches to retrieve one of my toys from under the bed. If she’s unsuccessful she asks, “Where’s the stick, Freddie?”
As if we both don’t know perfectly well. It lies across the hooks at the top of the dado in the entrance hall. 
The stick came with me as a welcoming present. Apparently it resembles a fishing rod. Trouble is, I soon destroyed the feather and other dangly bits on the string end with my nimble and exuberant catch-the-bird skills, jumping high when the boys jerked the stick up in the air and round about. Now there’s only a last bead on the end. I humour the boys when they come to visit and pretend it’s still a game worth playing.
But it works quite well as a retriever, seeing as we’re without one of those doggy-type animals. Just as well, I say. I have enough to cope with with those noisy ones next door. More about them one of these fine days… i.e. in the spring andsummertime when they’re out in their garden.